


promise me you won't forget and I swear I'll dream of you

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: ain't no cure for love [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, I Tried, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Pining Bucky Barnes, Stucky - Freeform, fandom poetry, stand alone fic, stucky poetry, vague happy ending, written by Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7317169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poetry by James "Bucky" Buchanan Barnes<br/>[IMPORTANT: to be given to Rogers, Steven G. upon Barnes admission into Cryonics tank per request] </p><p>so listen closely and I'll tell you the truth, the gods honest truth<br/>I've been the darkness that people fear, I've been the light that makes a stranger smile<br/>I've been more machine than man but I'm aiming to do better<br/>and I never killed that man</p>
            </blockquote>





	promise me you won't forget and I swear I'll dream of you

**Author's Note:**

> [stand alone fic of what went on in Bucky's head during CW]

Poetry by

**James "Bucky" Buchanan Barnes**

[ **IMPORTANT** : to be given to Rogers, Steven G. upon Barnes admission into Cryonics tank per request]

 

1\. I've scribbled your name until my pen ran dry and a sheet of paper became violence personified

I've clutched my own head and screamed just to hear my voice instead of the thrumming echo of yours

I've poured everything that I am into a life worth living yet I still sleep with a gun under my pillow and a faded pamphlet with your face on the front

I've grown tired of these memories, won't you let me rest?

 

2\. Last night I dreamed of a beautiful baby girl with dark hair and eyes that reflect the same crystal blue that I see in the mirror

she was dancing, twirling in her skirts and giggling at someone that I hardly recognize - that's me, right?

I woke with her name on my lips - _Becca_

I used to be somebody, I used to be a brother and a son

& it's nights like this that I'd rather be a faceless nobody with a disposable past

she's gone. I lost her, _she's gone_

 

3\. I bet you think I'm the hero, don't you?

that I'll rush in and save the day

that the world hasn't painted a target on my back for simply breathing

I'll give you a hint - are you listening?

I'm not the hero, I'm no villain either

I'm just the guy that time forgot

 

4\. I remember that night in July - that hot Summer before I shipped out for the last time

we sat on the boardwalk with cups of Italian ice and the bright lights reflected on your pale skin

I wanted to warn you then; that home might find me with a folded flag over-top and the words _I'm so sorry for your loss_

I wanted to hold on tight and never let go

do you understand now?

I never meant to leave you

 

5\. My ma always said that I had a wandering soul

that one day it would catch up to me and I'd find myself some place I'd rather not be

she said I'd always have a home as long as she had breath in her lungs but a graveyard isn't a warm bed and I don't belong here

forgive me if I run

 

6\. Everyone thinks I'm a liar

and maybe I am

maybe it's easier to pretend that I never loved you, that I don't carry you with me everywhere I go

maybe I told you I didn't know you because I know myself and I love you just a little too much

maybe I'm trying to rebuild a life from discarded bullets and soft plums that give me respite from memories that no one will let me forget

so listen closely and I'll tell you the truth, the gods honest truth

I've been the darkness that people fear, I've been the light that makes a stranger smile

I've been more machine than man but I'm aiming to do better

and I never killed that man

 

7\. The faster I run, the harder they chase

they want to put me in a box like a wild animal with restraints and nothing more than the noise in my head

they want to put a bullet to my head and stamp a file with the word DECEASED in angry bold letters

they want to remember me as the monster born of hatred rather than the man who has a goddamn heartbeat and scars not created by my own hand

they want to make me pay for the tragedies that I created

and maybe it's selfish but I want this life even in its ugliness

I want freedom and forgiveness, the same as you

 

8\. She kissed you and I remembered why I stayed gone

I watched you smile at her and it hurt like hell

see I've been waiting in line since skinned knees and sleepovers on couch cushions

but I know when to walk away from a fight and this isn't what surrendering looks like

this is love on fire with you at the center and I'm choosing you like I always have

I'm letting you go

I hope she makes you happy

 

9\. Tell all your friends

tell them I've cut myself out of the picture and nothing but a still frame remains

a skeleton of what used to be, a dusty relic that got lost along the way

I'll be here, right where you left me

right where I chose to be

just promise me you won't forget and I swear I'll dream of you

 

10\. My name is Bucky

~~and this is how I want you to remember me~~ _**NO.** _ ~~  
~~

(if you're with me 'til the end, if you love me ~~more than you love her~~ give me some time  & we'll begin again. I've done my waiting; more than 70 years of it. it's my turn) 


End file.
